Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

Monday, January 07, 2008

Shine


The bell rang.

I stood in the hallway, watching them trickle in, one by one – a Star Trek Borg-like sea of white polo shirts and blue corduroy pants; long ponytails and ribbons; L.L. Bean book bags with monograms and a mass of jangling trinkets on rings hanging from the zipper pulls. They flooded the room in groups, giggling and squealing loudly as I encouraged them to find their seats and get ready for art class to begin.

Except one.

In this wave of noisy teenage conformity, one face quietly stood out. It wasn’t so much her look, although she did have a very classic, unpretentious beauty – but her presence. At an age when most students were clumsily fumbling around for some sort of role to play – the Popular Girl, the All Star Athlete, the Biggest Flirt, the Goth Chick -- Laura was just Laura. THE Laura. “Laurag,” as her friends lovingly called her. She owned her role, her face, her wardrobe, her body – even the space she moved around in seemed to be infused with Laura-ness. She was like a celebrity without trying to be one. She owned her own identity, not the other way around. In Middle School, no less. I know adults who still don’t know who they are, or who feel limited by who they think they are to others.

So, naturally, in a class that is all about expressing yourself – Art Class – you really have to know who you are to be good at it. To be honest, my class should be called “Art and Identity” class. Or “Who the Heck Are You, Really?” class. To have a student like Laura spend time in my classroom was like having Carl Sagan sit in on your physics lab. Giving her assignments in art seemed like a formality. The lessons were mere prompts for her to let lose the flood of pure creativity that she carried within her at all times. The next day, she would quietly turn in her assignment, grinning, and I would try not to shout “oh my God, that’s BRILLIANT!” and embarrass her -- although I know that inwardly, she would love the reaction. Artists love for people to “get” our art. Laura simply didn’t want others to feel like they were getting dissed when their work didn’t receive the same praise. But she was always quick to compliment others’ work and offer constructive suggestions without ever making others feel inferior. She would have been an awesome teacher.

There is a poem that I found in a magazine once, and I cut it out and hung it beside my desk. It has been wrongly attributed to Nelson Mandela, but it was actually written by Marianne Williamson, and if you told me it had been written by Laura Glassburn to the rest of the world, I would believe it:


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others.

While I’m devastated to hear about Laura’s accident, I consider myself so lucky to have been touched by her light. As I look around, I see glimmers of Laura everywhere – at Charleston Catholic, Capitol High School, at the Capitol Theater, in the faces of everyone she knew, in the entire city of Charleston and beyond … and as those she encouraged to shine spread their light out into the world, her light will continue to shine brighter and brighter, forever.

*Laurag -- pronounced "Larg" -- was a former student of mine. She was killed in a car accident on December 20th, 2007. There will be a memorial service at the Capitol Theater this Sunday at 2 PM.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

This Is Not My Cat


This is Pringles, our cat who is not ours, but lives in our house. I think Pringles has adopted us. Pringles actually belongs to the neighbors, and was Cody's (our dog's) best friend. Pringles and Cody would hang out all the time together, despite the species incompatibility. They would eat out of the same bowl, sleep in the same dogloo, and would even groom each other. It was the weirdest thing! They rarely fought, and if they did, Cody would always let the cat win.
After Cody died, Pringles wouldn't leave the dogloo. It was so sad to see the poor kitty in mourning for her best friend. We started taking food to Pringles and bringing the cat inside to stay warm. I am fiercely allergic to cats, so bringing the cat indoors was a big step for me, but my allergy meds seem to be keeping the sneezes away as long as I vacuum often.
During Christmas, Pringles stayed under the Christmas tree and the kids gave her lots of snuggles. I think we got a cat for Christmas. Oddly enough, the neighbors haven't come looking for her.
Today I am home sick with a house full of bored kids who were not expecting a snow day. I kind of wish they had gone to school, as I would do well to curl up in a ball in bed and not move. I feel awful! I really, honestly think that an angry colony of fire ants have taken up residence in my sinuses. Just being upright is not enjoyable. I am hoping the kids will play on the Wii, the husband will amuse himself with his engine project, and everyone will let me chill out (literally) in my room in peace with some hot tea, a vaporizer, and some rented movies. More likely, though, I'll be hounded with complaints of boredom, requests for snacks, and the occasional "honey, have you seen __insert item here___?" And I still have Mount Washmore waiting for attention in the laundry room, a bowl of mushy bananas that need to be baked into banana bread, and bills to pay. (Ugh... math with a headache? Not fair.)
Moms shouldn't be physically able to get sick.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Pieta


This is the Pieta sculpture at Sacred Heart Co-Cathedral in Charleston, WV. I am not Catholic, but I work at the High School associated with this church and attend student masses there, so I feel very comfortable in this church. I stopped by a couple days ago to say a prayer and light a candle for my Grandma who is isn't doing so well, and was so captivated by the color in this shot that I had to snap a photo.

I know that a lot of people find religious imagery to be divisive, but when I see this sculpture, I think about the way this type of art can communicate the most fundimental ways we are all alike. We all suffer losses. We all grieve. We all love someone so much that losing them is like dying, ourselves. Whether we worship God or not, we are connected by the human condition.

I think too often we find ourselves bickering over our religous differences and refuse to acknowledge that we're really all pretty much the same. Who can't look at this sculpture and not identify with Mary (or anyone else who is suffering) on some level, regardless of religious beliefs? Empathy doesn't require a religious conversion.